How can anyone articulate the pain and the grumblings of a heart which lost its reason?
The heat of the moment was too much for me and so I closed my eyes. This proved to be a wrong decision as I found out later on, but the body knew what it needed and I swiftly fell into sleep. When I opened my eyes it was already twilight, and the purples and deep blues of the sky could be traced in my window. I turn my hazy gaze towards the door and there, your silhouette gave me the security I have always needed to remain happy and alive. I stared at that silhouette for a long time, but just as I resolved that I could stay in that moment for the rest of my days, you slowly moved toward the front door dragging your silhouette with you. I rose from my bed as quickly as I could and grogginess seemed to take a hold of me but it wasn’t enough. I knew I had to try and stop you from leaving so I moved as quickly as I could but you increased your pace as I did. I tried to break into a run, but my legs felt like they were in viscous liquid and you and your silhouette quickly vanished out of the front door. By the time I reached it and looked, it was dark. I knew you were far away already. My eyes grew strained from peering into that pitch black nothingness that stared right back at me. I couldn’t step out of that door not when I was uncertain of your reasons for leaving. But my heart knew that whatever they were, you did it all out of good intentions.
Nevertheless, I felt a piece of me dissipate into that darkness.
I sat on my bed crying and wishing you would have a change of heart and come back to me. Wishing in my heart of hearts that I could be everything you wanted, that you had enough strength to keep holding on. I wished that time was our ally and you could see me as someone you love. You would wipe my tears and I would embrace your warm body until the darkness that has robbed us of joy and consumed our hope has been vanquished. Only then could the sun rise up again.
Maybe one day you will come back to me and stand by my side. You would touch my hands and think to yourself, “this is where I belong”. And when you do, you would see that my feelings for you never even changed.